Today I'm a little mentally tired. Miss 21mo has been sick and clingy for so many days and it has been challenging. My husband has also been tired and grumpy from working and studying so much as his exams looms near.
There are no down time for mums though. Mouths need to be fed. Bums need to be wiped. Everyone always seems to want Mummy at the same time. I find these days I am mentally a lot stronger though. When I feel the flood of negativity and mental exhaustion rush in, I'm able to just take a deep breath and somehow tuck away all those feelings so much better than I used to. I'm able to soldier on and dig far deeper than I have ever done before. In the past, I sometimes had trouble not showing that frustration to the kids, but now I'm better at acting enthusiastic even when I'm not feeling it at all!
I don't often talk about faith on this blog, but I can't not give God credit in moments like this. He is the only one I rely on to get me through each day. Memorising scripture and repeating them constantly in my head is what keeps the negativity at bay and helps give me a mental boost when I need it.
A lot of times, you would think it would be hard to praise God in the hard times. However, I find it's the opposite case for me. When times are tough, I am reminded of how much I need Him. I probably talk to Him and praise Him far more when problems are looming. Recently God really brought this to my attention and seemed to challenge me in saying "Will you still praise me when times are good?" It made me realise that maybe sometimes I don't see breakthrough in situations because God doesn't actually trust me to handle it. So when I'm getting frustrated wondering why things aren't moving along, maybe He's holding it back for my own good…because He doesn't want me to wander out of His presence and become self-reliant.
It's funny how when things are bad, we often say "Where are you God?" and when things are good we then go "This is all because of me!" and attribute our success to our own doings alone. So that's my challenge to myself now- to be conscious about praising God in ALL situations, good and bad. To never lose my focus on him, whether I am broke or I have millions in my bank account. To never stop giving, no matter how little or how much I have. To never rely on myself alone and forget that this is all for His purpose and His plan.
In every situation, He is always there. In the good times and the bad times, He is always the same God. I just need to keep learning what His voice sounds like and to keep following it whether I am crawling or flying. I need to trust Him, then maybe He will trust me too with His plans for me.
I run, I fall
I walk, I sometimes crawl
I give, I take
I bend and yet somehow I break
I get dizzy from all this spinning 'round
I'm determined but wonder where I'm bound
I've learned to follow the sweet familiar sound of your voice
The straight and narrow twists and turns
I make my way and
Everyday I live, I learn to follow You
You walk me through a maze of grace
– Lyrics from "A Maze of Grace" by Avalon
The 30-Day Personal Blog Challenge is a challenge to myself to consistently blog about my daily life for 30 days.